Chuck Norris Report: NINJA Edition!

The Chuck Norris Report has been on a roll lately, and here I am again to report my newest viewing. Matt and I hit up Jumbo Video again in hopes of replicating past findings, but all that that excursion turned up was a copy of Delta Force (which I already have) and another Chuck movie that they wanted $13.00 for. At this point, I'm not ready to pay 13 bucks on what will very likely end up being a terrible movie, so we walked. I can always go back for it right?

Well, part of the reason we didn't pick it up was because we knew that we already had a Chuck flick waiting for us. We walked back to the car (after grabbing some Pepsi) and I glanced at the VHS tape under the dash that would soon be delivering Chuck entertainment at home. That's right! Matt was diligent enough to notice that AMC was running a Chuck movie the other day, and he taped it. Sure, it one-ups our last viewing as the poorest possible method of Chuck Norris delivery (taped off of TV on a VHS cassette) but it's Chuck, and we don't turn down Chuck around here. All the way from 1980, it's Chuck Norris in The Octagon!

Through my Chuck Norris-watching experiences, I've noticed that Chuck really has two distinctive looks. The first, which I'll dub his "70's style", delivers a Chuck with blond helmet-hair and a corresponding mustache. Undergoing a metamorphosis after 1980, Chuck's "80's style" gives viewers a new, hip Chuck Norris, who is brown-haired, bearded, and (most importantly) mulletted. As you can see from the picture on the left, Chuck is firmly in his 70's style. This must have been one of his last movies with that look, but I can't say for certain. That sounds like another project on its own, which I'll have to undertake: discovering where exactly (and why?) that change occurred.

So: The Octagon. Chuck's in too deep in this one-- he gets involved with ninjas! Chuck goes on a mission, beating the answers out of people, as to why ninjas are terrorizing this woman he meets. The movie delivers on a good car chase, and great good hand-to-hand Chuck combat. And apparently Lee Van Cleef is in it somewhere! Don't ask me where, I didn't notice him!

It turns out that in this one, Chuck was raised by a Japanese man, Beverly Hills Ninja style. Flashbacks depict a young Chuck training with his "brother." Predictably, it ends up being this very same brother who is the leader of these ninja that Chuck is going against. The film culminates in a fight scene between the two, which according to IMDb, was ranked as #13 on Fighting Stars Magazine's top 25 greatest fight scenes of all time. I would love to get a hold of that issue, to verify that all of those fights are from Chuck Norris movies.

So yeah, The Octagon comes through with some solid Chuck action, and lots of jokes to be made. Number 12 on our list to see all of Chuck's movies, I would recommend this one if you can find a copy of it. Hell, AMC might be showing it right now for all we know!

In non-Chuck news, I'm listening to Sam Roberts' new album as I write this. 2006's Chemical City is one of my favorite albums of all time, so I have high hopes for his follow-up. So far, I can say it is good. I will have to give it a few more listens to come to a definitive rating, but so far, the outlook is good.

What else? I'm taking a stats course a few nights a week, but that's not interesting. E3 is coming up, which is the big electronics convention where video game companies unveil what they have in store for the coming year. I have high hopes that Nintendo will show the next Zelda game, but I'm not sure if it will happen or not. Apparently they have a big announcement in store, but there is heavy speculation that it is going to be a new Kid Icarus game. There is also talk of a new Punch-Out!! game for the Wii, which could be cool too. Who knows! I guess I will just have to wait.

Oh, speaking of boxing video games-- did you hear that Mike Tyson is making his video game comeback in Fight Night Round 4? All these years after Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, can you believe it? Let's hope some of this makes it into the game:

Chuck Norris Report: Iron Man Edition

It's been a while since a meaningful post, so why don't we open by getting everyone caught up to speed. I was busy finishing off the school year recently, but all that is behind us now. Celebrations ensued, and I purchased a copy of Mario Kart Wii. Without going too far into this, I will say that I really enjoy the game-- probably my favorite Mario Kart since MK64. The trick system that has been implemented (shaking the Wiimote whenever you get air) is superb and really adds depth. The online is really fun too. Besides that, I was kept busy doing my taxes.
This photo was taken two days ago, in the midst of the worst of it. Doing taxes is like being in a separate, desolate world, surrounded by gayly-coloured forms that required prompt filling (of course, the taxes were overdue at this point). That too is behind me now though, and it is now where our journey begins.

I saw Iron Man yesterday with Matt, and it was really, really good. The Rotten Tomatoes score speaks for itself, so you don't need to hear it from me again, but you will be. It was sublime from every angle. Casting was perfect, the story was (relatively) believable and very intriguing, and there was a lot of fanservice for fans of the comics (an allusion to War Machine!). This might constitute as a spoiler (not really, as it was announced in a Marvel press release by now), but they even set the movie up for an Avengers spin-off. In my mind, it was the best superhero movie previous to and since Spider-man 2 (and, come on, I know superhero movies).

I'm actually surprised that I can remember that much of Iron Man after being tainted by last night's Chuck Norris viewing though. It was two days ago that I was hanging with my bro Stefan (figurative sense of the word) and we decided to head over to Merla Mae for an ice cream. At the same time, we stopped by Jumbo Video to pick up another Nunchuck controller for the Wii, so we could play Mario Kart together. Now, I haven't been in Jumbo Video for a long time, but we used to rent movies there when I was younger. It was actually pretty cool stepping inside. Jumbo Video is a chain, but I'm not sure how far it spreads-- as far as I know, there is only one in London. Regardless of it being a chain, the store really has an independent feeling, which is really refreshing after going to your standard cookie-cutter Blockbuster Video for so long. There is a popcorn machine that you can take free popcorn from (not recommended) and there are lots of little touches like having trading cards and random Japanese figures for sale. What drew us in though, was the piles upon piles of VHS videos that they had on sale. Seeing all of them sitting there, you would be likely to think that you had walked into the mid nineties. We didn't spend too much time going through them, but the gods must have been smiling on us, as the first one Stefan picked up to investigate was none other than a Chuck Norris flick. A $1.99 price tag was all that stood between us and Code of Silence!

I didn't know this going in, but Rotten Tomatoes has this one pegged at 40%. Trust me, that is much too generous for this film.

Fast forward to last night (this story is jumping around in time like this is Chrono Trigger) where, after seeing Iron Man, Matt and I decide to throw this bad boy in. Once more, fate favored us, as my previously non-functioning VCR accepted Code of Silence, and played it back in all its VHS glory. What is there to say about Code of Silence? Chuck Norris plays a cop who saves the day. Beyond that, I couldn't honestly tell you what happens. The movie opens with a scene that introduces at least 20 characters, and leaves the viewer wondering who the hell each one is. Things don't improve as the ride goes on, and time that could feature Chuck ass-kicking is filled by underdeveloped characters and a plot where nothing happens. Code of Silence fails as a Chuck Norris movie (there was hardly anything to make fun of), and as a serious action/drama.

The generic clip-art on the video's box states that "the toughest cop just got tougher." That's real original right? What's perplexing though, is that IMDb shows an addition tagline for this movie: "Eddie Cusack's a good cop having a very bad day." So is he a tough badass, or a good cop? Judging by the movie, he's a total badass, so I don't even know what to think anymore. It's clear they just have a Chuck Norris generic-phrase generator to come up with movie titles and catch phrases. I mean, that title-- "Code of Silence"? That doesn't have a thing to do with the movie's plot. Nowhere in it is Chuck (or anyone) sworn to silence in any sense. I guess it's just that Chuck Norris poorness shining through.

A few laughs were had as Chuck eventually gets partnered up with a sentient robot called The Prowler. The finale has Chuck and this robot wrecking an army of thugs in an abandoned receiving building with ease. What was up with 80s movies and robots? Whenever this comes up, Rocky comes to mind. Remember when Rocky buys that robot for Paulie's birthday? It's like a real, live, talking robot that does Paulie's chores? What? What they didn't understand in the 80s was that, despite having the money to afford something like that, they don't exist! You could have all the money in the world, but that doesn't mean you can buy something that has not yet been created. In a sense, Iron Man falls into this movie trope as well, but it is acceptable because Tony Stark himself, is a genius and could have created them. Not so much in Code of Silence.

Well, anyway, you get the idea. It's another movie down on the goal to see every Chuck movie, but it is not recommended to anyone. I doubt there was even a DVD release of this one, so you don't have to worry about accidentally coming across it in a movie store somewhere. That'll do it for now, but expect a lengthy update later as I review all of the Chuck Norris movies that I saw before I started the Chuck Norris Report feature. It'll be a doozy!