Chuck Norris Report: Iron Man Edition

It's been a while since a meaningful post, so why don't we open by getting everyone caught up to speed. I was busy finishing off the school year recently, but all that is behind us now. Celebrations ensued, and I purchased a copy of Mario Kart Wii. Without going too far into this, I will say that I really enjoy the game-- probably my favorite Mario Kart since MK64. The trick system that has been implemented (shaking the Wiimote whenever you get air) is superb and really adds depth. The online is really fun too. Besides that, I was kept busy doing my taxes.
This photo was taken two days ago, in the midst of the worst of it. Doing taxes is like being in a separate, desolate world, surrounded by gayly-coloured forms that required prompt filling (of course, the taxes were overdue at this point). That too is behind me now though, and it is now where our journey begins.

I saw Iron Man yesterday with Matt, and it was really, really good. The Rotten Tomatoes score speaks for itself, so you don't need to hear it from me again, but you will be. It was sublime from every angle. Casting was perfect, the story was (relatively) believable and very intriguing, and there was a lot of fanservice for fans of the comics (an allusion to War Machine!). This might constitute as a spoiler (not really, as it was announced in a Marvel press release by now), but they even set the movie up for an Avengers spin-off. In my mind, it was the best superhero movie previous to and since Spider-man 2 (and, come on, I know superhero movies).

I'm actually surprised that I can remember that much of Iron Man after being tainted by last night's Chuck Norris viewing though. It was two days ago that I was hanging with my bro Stefan (figurative sense of the word) and we decided to head over to Merla Mae for an ice cream. At the same time, we stopped by Jumbo Video to pick up another Nunchuck controller for the Wii, so we could play Mario Kart together. Now, I haven't been in Jumbo Video for a long time, but we used to rent movies there when I was younger. It was actually pretty cool stepping inside. Jumbo Video is a chain, but I'm not sure how far it spreads-- as far as I know, there is only one in London. Regardless of it being a chain, the store really has an independent feeling, which is really refreshing after going to your standard cookie-cutter Blockbuster Video for so long. There is a popcorn machine that you can take free popcorn from (not recommended) and there are lots of little touches like having trading cards and random Japanese figures for sale. What drew us in though, was the piles upon piles of VHS videos that they had on sale. Seeing all of them sitting there, you would be likely to think that you had walked into the mid nineties. We didn't spend too much time going through them, but the gods must have been smiling on us, as the first one Stefan picked up to investigate was none other than a Chuck Norris flick. A $1.99 price tag was all that stood between us and Code of Silence!

I didn't know this going in, but Rotten Tomatoes has this one pegged at 40%. Trust me, that is much too generous for this film.

Fast forward to last night (this story is jumping around in time like this is Chrono Trigger) where, after seeing Iron Man, Matt and I decide to throw this bad boy in. Once more, fate favored us, as my previously non-functioning VCR accepted Code of Silence, and played it back in all its VHS glory. What is there to say about Code of Silence? Chuck Norris plays a cop who saves the day. Beyond that, I couldn't honestly tell you what happens. The movie opens with a scene that introduces at least 20 characters, and leaves the viewer wondering who the hell each one is. Things don't improve as the ride goes on, and time that could feature Chuck ass-kicking is filled by underdeveloped characters and a plot where nothing happens. Code of Silence fails as a Chuck Norris movie (there was hardly anything to make fun of), and as a serious action/drama.

The generic clip-art on the video's box states that "the toughest cop just got tougher." That's real original right? What's perplexing though, is that IMDb shows an addition tagline for this movie: "Eddie Cusack's a good cop having a very bad day." So is he a tough badass, or a good cop? Judging by the movie, he's a total badass, so I don't even know what to think anymore. It's clear they just have a Chuck Norris generic-phrase generator to come up with movie titles and catch phrases. I mean, that title-- "Code of Silence"? That doesn't have a thing to do with the movie's plot. Nowhere in it is Chuck (or anyone) sworn to silence in any sense. I guess it's just that Chuck Norris poorness shining through.

A few laughs were had as Chuck eventually gets partnered up with a sentient robot called The Prowler. The finale has Chuck and this robot wrecking an army of thugs in an abandoned receiving building with ease. What was up with 80s movies and robots? Whenever this comes up, Rocky comes to mind. Remember when Rocky buys that robot for Paulie's birthday? It's like a real, live, talking robot that does Paulie's chores? What? What they didn't understand in the 80s was that, despite having the money to afford something like that, they don't exist! You could have all the money in the world, but that doesn't mean you can buy something that has not yet been created. In a sense, Iron Man falls into this movie trope as well, but it is acceptable because Tony Stark himself, is a genius and could have created them. Not so much in Code of Silence.

Well, anyway, you get the idea. It's another movie down on the goal to see every Chuck movie, but it is not recommended to anyone. I doubt there was even a DVD release of this one, so you don't have to worry about accidentally coming across it in a movie store somewhere. That'll do it for now, but expect a lengthy update later as I review all of the Chuck Norris movies that I saw before I started the Chuck Norris Report feature. It'll be a doozy!